Pathwork Guide Lecture No. 192
An Unedited Lecture
May 21, 1971

REAL AND FALSE NEEDS AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP TO
MAN'S STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS

Greetings to all of you, my friends, here.  Blessings and strength is pouring forth.  If you open your hearts as well as your minds, you can receive.  I would like to begin in this lecture, which is the last in this season, by saying once again that most human beings are not yet aware of the immense spiritual potentials and powers they have.  Now, what do I mean when I say "spiritual" potentials and powers?  I mean that these powers transcend by far what is considered "normal" by ordinary standards in this sphere of being. 

However, these powers remain inaccessible or may even be dangerous if the human being is not purified to a certain degree, if the consciousness is still in a state of half‑sleep which is always connected with destructive attitudes (self‑will, pride, and fear; greed, envy, malice, cruelty, spite, selfishness).  The majority of human beings find themselves in a state of being approximately 90 percent asleep and only 10 percent awake to what is ‑‑ in the world around them and within themselves.  The process of re‑awakening the self requires a great deal of effort, commitment, work, and the willingness to sacrifice destructive patterns and their short‑lived, expensive satisfactions.  Then awareness gradually grows, perception sharpens, new inner knowledge becomes available as a manifestation of the awakening real self. 

This growing intuitive perception, this inner knowledge ‑‑ first about the self, then about the innermost being of others, and eventually also about cosmic truth, about creation ‑‑ extends into an experience of eternal life, the certainty of it!  The awakening spiritual potentials also mean access to the ever present forces of life, which exist all within and around you.  These powers can be utilized for healing, for helping, for increasing fulfillment and consciousness in the self and others.  Needless to say that if the little self still predominates over the spiritual, real self, abuse of these powers would be inevitable.  Love has to be awakened in the soul of a person first, so that the power will be safe.  If the energy force field of a human being is geared to low frequencies due to an undeveloped state of the soul, the much higher frequencies of spiritual powers can destroy health and life and create tremendous hazards.  This is why it is so important that development proceeds in certain rhythms.  The safest way is always to emphasize, above all else, purification.

When purification precedes the development of spiritual and psychic potential and power, bliss grows.  Fearlessness increases.  Solutions to all problems become increasingly more accessible; they present themselves because the problems are faced and dealt with.  And, as I said, healing of all ills ‑‑ of the mind, of the soul, and of the body ‑‑ will be possible.  

This sounds like utopia, my friends.  And actually it would be utopia if this state were not sought because of fear of the opposite state and in the hope of an escape.  In other words, if you wish bliss because you fear pain; if you wish life eternal because you fear death; if you wish happiness because you fear unhappiness; if you wish fullness because you fear emptiness; then all these possibilities must elude you and remain unattainable.  Thence comes one of man's illusions that none of these possibilities exist, that they are the product of man's wishful thinking.  What is not seen is that the longing is an expression of the sensing of this possibility, but the direction chosen is in most cases exactly the opposite from the one necessary.  As mentioned before, you must go in and through what you fear and want to avoid in order to overcome it and reach the state in which the previously dreaded state genuinely no longer exists.  Only when you fully accept the present lack of vision and the thus created fear and go through it, can you reach the greater state of consciousness, which is then not an illusion but a reality; not a wishful thinking, not an escape, but a stark reality of being, of life as it really is.

This cannot come easily.  Anyone traveling this road must commit himself fully to everything that such a search really means.  Most of my friends engaged in this pathwork of self‑development start out in the usual way:  they are unhappy and they want a solution to a certain problem.  Or perhaps there is not even a specific awareness of an inner problem or blockage yet.  You may simply experience a vague feeling of being ill at ease with life.  And you wish to correct these undesirable states ‑‑ usually in the unconscious hope that the very problematic attitudes that render you unhappy can remain untouched or even be reinforced.  When the path requires the opposite, the reaction is often panic, resentment, struggle, resistance, and, at times, even a cessation of any further efforts in the right inner direction.  In other words, most of you start with a negative goal; that is, you want to remove a negative condition.  Only here or there does an exception exist, and an individual starts right at the beginning with the positive goal.  Many may pay lip service to this positive goal ‑‑ total self‑purification and spiritual growth.  But when it comes to the willingness to accept difficulties, overcoming, giving up long established, destructive life patterns, the conscious commitment to the positive goal suddenly disappears.  With most, the genuine positive goal is pursued and strengthened only as you get deeper into yourself.  

The longing is always there.  Something in your deepest, innermost being knows that there exists another reality and another state of consciousness than the one you experience now at your present state of development.  And you reach for it.  The reaching for this higher, more fulfilling state is a legitimate, healthy need.  When this need becomes conscious, a positive goal or direction can be established.  As long as this need is unconscious and concealed by and intermingled with negative goals, "deliver me from my unhappy state," confusion about the path itself must exist.  A lack of full commitment yields tenuous, spurious, limited results so that doubt will close a vicious circle: doubt reinforces the withholding of commitment, which in turn makes liberation impossible, so that doubt seems justified. 

As always, this lecture follows organically the sequence of the previous ones.  In this lecture it becomes absolutely necessary to repeat much of a lecture I have given many, many years ago.  But even those of you who have read it have probably forgotten most of it.  Many of you, who joined much later and are not familiar with the whole material, are not aware of the principles I will discuss tonight.  However, even those who do remember will find that this repetition brings forth new and deeper material, which it was not possible to give previously when the whole group was in a much less profound state of consciousness.  Thus the occasional repetitions are not only necessary, but are also not really repetitions at all.  They follow the ever ongoing spiral movement of the path, and each completed cycle starts all over again, only now on a deeper and higher level of consciousness in which greater perception makes more profound understanding possible.

So this lecture is simultaneously an organic sequence; a repetition; a completion of a cycle in which new material can be assimilated.  This cyclic spiral movement enables you to start at any point and go on from there, completing the cycle from wherever the starting point was.  This explains why almost anyone (on a certain level of consciousness) can find these lectures useful no matter when they started.  Thus this particular lecture will, once again, be an answer for many of you and shed light on the exact point where you are stuck at the moment. 

The particular lecture I gave years ago, to which I am referring, deals with the topic of real and false needs.  Since then, many of you have gone into your deepest feelings of fear, pain, guilt, and anger ‑‑ feelings that you first experienced in this life during your early childhood and which you had not had the courage to reexperience.  In the course of this journey toward experiencing old feelings which had not been fully experienced before, you also come across the needs you had as a child, needs whose unfulfillment caused most of the painful, and therefore repressed, feelings.  As I said, any entity who does not bring his unconscious feeling experience into consciousness must take this material with him and be reborn with the same nonexperienced material.  This residual material is vastly responsible for the way energy draws forth and seeks corresponding outlets.  To put this differently, the imbedded material seeks out circumstances and people for the next incarnation that will give an opportunity to bring this dormant unassimilated material to the fore again.  Thus a set of parents, a certain environment, and specific conditions seem to be responsible for painful experience in childhood.  But actually the undeveloped state of the parents functions as a means to bring out what would otherwise remain inaccessible, dormant, and blocking total purification.  Of course, it is possible again and again to "treat" the painful experience in the old way which avoided the experience, thereby prolonging the chain.  But the day comes for every entity when he finds it no longer possible to avoid the confrontation and turns about‑face.

You can follow this chain of events even within this life span.  To the degree you have not experienced fully your past as a child, you must attract similar experiences, at least in essence, later.  To the degree you have avoided the former and are unaware of what truly went on in you, to the same exact degree you tend not to recognize what you feel and experience now, in the repeated experience.  Conversely, to the degree you become conscious of your past feelings, you are also becoming aware of how the experience repeats itself.  You fully experience and thereby understand, thus making further repetitions superfluous.  The state of numbness about your past feelings numbs you to similar present experiences ‑‑ unless and until you make a real commitment and a real effort to awaken yourself no matter how painful this may seem at first.

You can only be alert to and in full knowledge of what happens to you now when the similar experiences of the then are out in the open and are fully dealt with.  Then not only the residual soul matter of this life will be cleared up, but simultaneously that of previous existences.  Now, in this present phase on your path, where you more and more experience residual matter, you encounter the fact that the most painful element is the unfulfillment of your legitimate needs as a child.  In the lecture of many years ago, I spoke about the relationship between real and false needs.  I discussed that the negation of the former creates the latter.  This is a tremendously important facet to observe at the point you are now. 

What are real and what are false needs?  In the first place, what is real at one period of an entity's life may be utterly false and unreal at a later period.  What is a real need for a child is not at all a real need for an adult.  Now, when the growing entity denies the pain of the unfulfilled real need, what happens is not at all that this need disappears.  On the contrary, the denial of its pain perpetuates it and projects it in time and onto other people so that it becomes a false need.  To be specific, a child needs to be taken care of; it needs to be solely a recipient in care, nursing, good feelings, attention, appreciation of its own uniqueness.  If these needs are not fulfilled, the child must suffer.  If this suffering is dealt with on the conscious level, the personality does not remain crippled, as many would want to believe.  What creates a crippled state is the belief that this pain can only be eliminated when the personality is finally given all that was lacking, even years later.  Now, this can never be, of course.  For even if it were possible for an adult to finally obtain substitute parents who are ideal and perfect according to the notions of the deprived child, to an adult all this giving from outside could never bring fulfillment.

The fulfillment so painfully longed for can be attained only when the person proceeds to search within himself for all that he still looks for outside of himself.  This must begin with the question of responsibility.  If he remains stuck on blame (making the parents and life responsible), he deprives himself of the vital center of all good within himself.  Only when he searches to alter his own attitude and discovers that his suffering now is induced by his attitude now, can he begin to find security ‑‑ the security he looked for in the sustenance given by others.  Anxiety will disappear to the exact degree he searches within himself for the cause of his present suffering.  And this suffering is, I must repeat, the denial of the original pain and the thus created negative, destructive pattern of feeling and thinking. 

When man begins to assume true self‑responsibility, he will also gradually cease to await the good feelings from outside.  He will be less dependent on being praised and loved because he will be able to give himself the esteem he could not give to himself when he was a demanding, resentful child.  This is yet another step toward being centered within the self rather than "hanging on" to another self.  This, in turn, increases the ability to have a strong flow of good, warm feelings: the desire to give of them rather than spitefully refusing; the ability to experience pleasure from within the body and soul, and to give of it rather than greedily insisting on receiving it.  All of this will fill the previous emptiness. 

The more the pain of the unfulfilled legitimate need remains unexperienced, or only half experienced, unreal, false needs fill the personality which then will make demands on others.  When these demands are not being fulfilled, the resentments, and often the venom with which cases are being built against life and others, increase the sense of deprivation so that a continuous vicious circle seems to entrap the person in a state of hopelessness.  It is not too difficult to rationalize a case, to produce an accusation, to blame.  One can always find actual as well as imagined or exaggerated and distorted "reasons" for focusing the weight outside of the self.  Since all this is subtle and concealed, it requires specific attention in self‑observation and self‑honesty to see this process at work.  Only when you are capable of admitting the irrational demands and you see how you want to deal out punishment to those you blame for their unfulfillment, can you truly understand the connections I make here. 

What are the real needs of an adult?  They are self‑expression; growth; development; reaching his spiritual potentials and everything else that accrues from that: pleasure, love, fulfillment, good relationships, and making a meaningful contribution to the scheme of things, to the great plan in which everyone has his task.  When a certain amount of growth has taken place, this task is being felt, inwardly experienced, until it becomes a reality.  It is a real need to perceive this, and when this perception is lacking, unhappiness accrues.  The entity must then proceed to search for the obstructions within his own soul and remove them.  They are always, in one way or another, connected with a perpetuation of once real needs which have now become false needs.

The perpetuation of false needs creates any number of destructive conditions within the soul of a person.  Since these needs can never be fulfilled, continuous frustration and emptiness removes hope, blackens vision, and induces resentment, hate, blame ‑‑ often spite.  A venomous passive resistance and self‑punishment are used as a means to punish others who are apparently causing the negative state.  The worse these inner traits are, the greater the guilt, the more the self‑evasion which makes it impossible to get down to the roots and change direction and focus.  Only when resistance is vigorously overcome can all this be reversed. 

Real needs never require others to comply and "give it to you."  Only to the little self does it appear necessary that they do so.  The real need for love, companionship, and sharing can only begin to be fulfilled when the soul is ready to love and give, which must never be confused with the neurotic need to be loved.  But this confusion between the two needs often exists.  As long as you believe that you are really willing to love, but fate is slighting you and withholding from you the person who loves you and whom you can love, you are really still ardently engaged in trying to fulfill the childhood need with a substitute parent.  You are really, in your heart of hearts, angry, blaming, punishing, self‑victimizing, because your imagined real need for love remains slighted.  Once you are truly ready to give up the old case and start to live now, looking within yourself, real love will come to you, and your present real need will be fulfilled.

Legitimate needs can be fulfilled only to the degree you experience your original feelings and your residual feelings of the past; to the degree you discover and give up the false needs that have accrued from denying the pain of the original fulfillment.  As you let yourself go into the child state, allowing the irrational, destructive reactions of the child in you to express themselves now, as you truly own up to this part of you, you already create a new inner climate.  This is at first not easy to do.  Cherished self‑images and pretenses prevent almost everyone from doing this with ease.  Also, this destructive, demanding, punishing, spiteful child usually manifests in a very obscure way.  It can easily be hidden, rationalized, denied, explained away, and the emphasis shifted to factors outside yourself.  If you give voice to this irrational side, you will find that it more or less invariably and to varying degrees says: "I need to always be loved and be approved of by everyone.  If I am not, it is a catastrophe."  The self then talks himself into believing this, almost as a means to force others to comply.  The overreaction then becomes so painful that it seems to be a fact of life that the nonfulfillment of these insatiable demands for total, unconditional fulfillment of self‑will and pride is indeed catastrophic.  No matter how mature you may be in many respects of your being, look for those hidden reactions in you whenever you feel consistently anxious and uncomfortable when certain conditions arise in your environment.  

The belief in catastrophe is rarely thought about in such clear cut terms.  Indeed, once you think clearly, it will already be impossible for you to believe in it quite as much any longer.  The difficulty is that your reaction that equates with catastrophe the unfulfillment of your demand to be loved and approved of by everybody is vague.  The reaction is not conceptualized, but rationalized away without ever following through both your thinking and your feeling, thus bringing the two into correlation.  So it is necessary to discover the concept, or rather the misconception, entrapped in the strong reaction to an unfulfillment, to a hurt, a criticism, a frustration.  It is then possible to recognize the unreal need and the vengeance with which it is perpetuated, pursued, and justified.  Unreal needs are demands made upon others.  Unreal needs can never be fulfilled.

It is an unreal need to assume that being hurt will harm you.  It only harms you when you have a covert concept that it will, when you insist that it will simply because you are disinclined to accept life and yourself as they are.

Some of you have truly begun to know and experience that your pleasure, your peace, your fulfillment never depend on others but only on yourself.  But sometimes you forget ‑‑ when you approach an as yet unrecognized territory within yourself where the false needs and the unexperienced residual feelings create a destructive focal point. 

Often the dualistic misunderstanding, that either you depend on yourself and then you must be all alone, or you are in a fulfilling relationship and then you utterly depend on the other, prevents you from even wanting to assume self‑responsibility.  Doing so seems to require giving up all hope for a loving partner.  Exactly the opposite is true: only as you bring your feelings back to yourself, tap the resources within yourself, and open the wells of your giving and loving feelings, will fulfillment become an inevitable reality.  Conversely, to the degree you cling to and insist on the other's fulfilling you, to that degree you must remain lonely and unfulfilled in your real needs now ‑‑ thereby perpetuating the old wounds of your childhood.  Your state now can thus be used as a gauge that is more reliable than anything else, for life cannot be cheated.  Its laws and rules tell you the truth about where you are, even if your direct awareness is still dimmed.  To the degree fulfillment is absent, you must really probe within yourself as to where and how do you project on the other person what must primarily come from within you.

When the real need to remove the blocks toward awareness and self‑fulfillment (therefore intimacy and closeness with others), and to discard the false needs is expressed into the spiritual self, a wonderful force is awakened.  It is a plea that is never answered with a stone.  Even if you feel as yet too weak to make the total commitment that is necessary, you can ask to be helped to be able to do so.  The help will come.

This is the all‑important aim, out of which everything else follows.  As you now avoid the long‑forgotten pain of the past, which you find is still festering within you, you also discover how you have remained hooked on blaming.  For no matter how much your parents failed, for they themselves are failing human beings, they cannot be held responsible for your suffering now.  Even less so can others, of whom you expect that they make up for all the injuries you endured.  Your suffering now is a result of this very distortion of pursuing false needs and insisting on their fulfillment.  This mechanism seems at first extremely subtle, but once you have trained yourself to observe it, it will become only too obvious.  As long as you choose to stay unaware, you may be very adept in explaining rationally your case, but this will only make it worse, not better.  You may indeed deceive others about how legitimate your case is.  And you may even deceive your outer conscious self.  But you can never deceive your real inner self, nor life.  Life plays its laws and rules very squarely, fairly, and impartially.  It waits until you find the truth, where your nonrecognized, legitimate needs as a child created fear and pain, which you were unwilling and unable to experience fully until the cup has to be emptied.  This unwillingness, in turn, creates false needs, which also become concealed as to their nature and their meaning.  When all this is out in the open, you can deal with it. 

All repression, all hiding create vicious circles and negative chain reactions: the false needs create evil ‑‑ cruelty, vindictiveness, etc.  The guilt and self‑hate for these make the original pain justified in your secret evaluation of yourself, but you do not wish to admit this so you go on projecting the blame on others ‑‑ and on and on.  The energies entrapped in holding all this force down (and the forces swell and become increasingly more powerful, creating crisis upon crisis) can only be released and used for your good when you bring it all out and evaluate it in truth, when you have the courage to accept the evil without totally identifying with it.  This will instantly set the course in the direction of fulfilling your real needs now.

When you pursue a false need, you must be in unbearable pain.  The pain is then tight, locked, bitter, with the connotation of hopelessness.  It is a very different pain than the pain of a real unfulfillment, a hurt, a deprivation.  The moment these are not channeled into unreal needs, the pain can be dissolved and can transform itself back into its original, flowing, life‑bringing energy current.  Hard pain is a result of fighting against what is.  Soft pain is a result of acceptance. 

Once the crust of outer numbness has been removed as a result of all your efforts on your path; once the defensive layer insulating you from these inner conditions has been lifted, you are bound to experience all your various feelings: real and false needs and the resulting soft and hard pains.  In order to find your way further through the maze of these confusions, it is essential for all of you to know the difference between the former and the latter.  If you experience residual feelings but are unaware of the fact that you are submerged in expressing your false needs, your insatiable demands, you may get lost in the hard pain.  For the hard pain, resulting from the false needs, contains the vengeance.  The suffering itself is a frequent weapon of punishing parents, projected parents, and life.  It says, in effect: "You see how bad you are, what you have done to me!  Your not complying with my demands deserves the punishment of my annihilation."  And the blind person, who is involved in this process without being fully aware of it, can indeed allow himself to go overboard, pulled by this undercurrent.

It is therefore safe to test the kind of pain that is being experienced.  Does it lead to bleak hopelessness, to sustained abysses where no light seems to dawn?  It can then be safely assumed that the "level of venom" prevents the real experience of residual, original pain.  For in the case of experiencing the real pain, an inner organic wisdom guides the rhythms and duration of each experience.  Each time, there will be deep insight, and connecting links will bring more light and more hope.  But when this is absent, the person should not go deeper into this hard pain because he is (unbeknownst to himself and quite unconsciously) punishing with his pain.  The work should rather be directed toward recognizing this factor.  Then he can safely go into residual experience and free himself.  He will do it then in an entirely different spirit.  The attitude will be one of hope and purpose rather than one of being a helpless victim who is led to his slaughter.

If you fear, my friends, to go all the way into yourself, it is much less due to the real pain.  For soft pain due to unfulfilled real needs may momentarily result in forceful expressions of crying and yelling, of writhing and hitting, but there is a safe inner ground due to the absence of venom, the absence of a forcing current that sends a message into the world. The mellow sadness of real pain and unmet real needs dissolves into its own streamings.  The unbearable, hard, and dangerous experience of pain is due to the false need that says "You must give me what I need, what I insist upon.  If you do not, I will perish with a vengeance."  This voice, my friends, must be discovered.  It exists, to some degree, in everybody without exception.  The more concealed it is, the further away you are from dissolving it and transforming your energy currents.  If you can, let yourself experience this voice and recognize it for what it is, rather than identifying with it.  As long as you are totally identified with it, you cannot confront and test it.  But the moment you observe it as only a part of you, you will instantly know that this is not all there is to you, for that which observes it is certainly more you than that which is being observed.  And that which questions it and has a dialogue with it probes the truth of its implied messages, is stronger, and becomes even stronger until it finally takes over.  This eliminates the need for total self‑rejection, which is the outcome of totally identifying with it.

For example, the moment you raise the question, "Is it really true that I must perish because I have endured pain, or am enduring pain?" you will inevitably first consider the various possibilities ‑‑ for instance, that this is not necessarily the only possibility.  When is it so, when not?  What does it depend on, as far as you are concerned?  When all these questions are seriously confronted, you will see that it is not true that you must perish or even lead an unhappy life for the rest of your remaining days because you have endured pain.  No pain can ever make you perish.  It is only your attitude toward pain that will make you perish.  If you resist and harden yourself to the pain, then the pain compounds and will literally crush you.  Only when you are being crushed ‑‑ not ever by the pain that others inflict upon you, but by what you inflict upon yourself ‑‑ can you confront this attitude in yourself.  Have a dialogue with it, as I said before.

When you specifically let go of insatiable demands, unreal needs, one by one, you will find out that they are indeed unreal needs.  You started off with the premise, for example, that you cannot live without total approval; unconditional acceptance and love; uncritical evaluation of you; never‑failing understanding; or whatever else it may be.  As you consider the possibility that you might even gain fulfillment and contentment, pleasure and happiness, without these demands being fulfilled ‑‑ at first a novel idea, for you were so insistent on your case ‑‑ you will be surprised to find that it is quite possible to do so.  New ways will make themselves known ‑‑ new possibilities which you could never even sense before because you were so bent on the one way it had to be.

Wherever there is obstruction, unfulfillment, an unyielding wall in your life, this unreal need has to be looked for.  You must find your own insistence that says, "It must be this way, not that way.  Life must give me this; I must have it."  When you find and express this voice and recognize it for its fallacy, something will loosen up instantly.  The very fact that you question the validity of these unreal needs which you had taken for granted as being real until now will liberate your creative energies.  Deep from your innermost being, from the center of your solar plexus, the voice of wisdom will guide you.  It already has guided you before in other areas where you were not blocked.  But it could not guide you where you are still in the greatest need for guidance from within you, as well as from outside.  It is then possible to use these released energies to plow the way further to where the thick clouds still need to be dispelled.  These energies can then go to work to dissolve the still hardened soul substance ‑‑ hardened by preconceived, unchallenged, and even unarticulated convictions; by insistence and tight self‑will; by negation and repression of feelings and thoughts. 

The hardened insistence must not be confused with the determination and relaxed good will of commitment, with the one‑pointed focusing of energy, all of which are such indispensable prerequisites for the pathwork.  The cramp of the hardened self‑will intensifies many times the original residual pain.  It creates painful tension in the system, which is then always blamed on others ‑‑ how they have failed you in the past and how they are failing you in the present.  Thus you give up for the future.

The energies that are being released by following through the process described here are not merely physical energies which bring well‑being, flow, and pleasure.  They release the voice of truth and wisdom of your own innermost spiritual self, which will show the way, which you will learn to recognize and trust when you come out of your darkness and when you plow your way between the two extremes.  These two extremes are the blind, wishful thinking, listening only to what you want to hear, which makes you deaf to the real truth in you; or the cynical distrust of all the deeper truth of your spiritual self, which makes you equally deaf to the voice of truth.  So you have to search your way between these two extremes.

When you go deep into your innermost feelings, my friends, there will be no danger of losing yourself in unendurable pain.  For no matter how difficult your childhood was, and no matter how much negative experience you had, and no matter how cruel a parent may have been, the real causes of pain were not these.  The cause is your persistence and insistence on staying hooked on needs that are by now false needs; on demanding and demanding that conditions be different and that life now make up for it all and give you gratuitously, leaving you as a recipient, leaving you out of "the game of life."  (Game is meant here in a positive sense.)  This is what really hurts and pains you now.  You must start with yourself, at all junctures.  If you proceed in this way, you will be able to allow the positive feelings to become as deep and real an experience "to be gone into," as the negative, painful feelings.

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