Feedback about how Jan’s workshop on Mindful Relating in Baarn, nov. 2010 impacted my life.
I had many profound experiences in Jan’s workshop: ‘I’ was ‘one’ with a realm of complete silence, space and peace during his Aum chanting.
During the healings I learned again about Surrender, over and over again; each moment is a moment of surrender, and letting myself ‘be’, instead of ‘do’, which is quite challenging for me. Jan energetically encouraged me not to judge my mind (that is the ‘self’ I am most identified with), for its need to be so active and in control and he inspired me by his own presence how to be with thoughts and feelings with kind acceptance. Being open to the world in this way immediately brings relaxation, more balance, peace and a gentile and deep respect to life, self, others, and to what is. “Welcome.”
From this respectful way of engaging life and each other, we connected to our ancestors. For me this was an experience of great joy. I felt the essence energy of my ancestors almost like a substance coming into my hands. I felt deep gratitude for all those who were before me, their lives…. I felt how we are all connected and how all is one.
The days after the workshop, all this subtly changed the way I perceived the world as I seemed to recognize death/stillness in life. For instance I was in the car, looking out the window at traffic, and some random parks and trees, and it was as if I could see the silence of life surrounding everything. In bushes, and houses, and people there was the Deep Silence carrying all this movement of life, as if there was stillness coming from everything. And I could almost see the transparent boundary that ‘covers’ or infuses everything. It is hard to explain in words. It feels a bit like how the surface of warm water feels while taking a bath, my flat hand just slightly, softly touching the surface of the water. There is a way the water seems to want to touch my hand, infusing my receptors with its softness, and underneath there is just depth. In this touching of surfaces is the stasis phase/or edge from where nothing becomes something, or ‘something’ becomes ‘something else’.
In this period of time my mother was dying and a lot of learning is still coming together.
I could ‘be’ with her. And when there were moments of challenge, I didn’t judge myself for that and tried to stay in contact with what was. Jan’s workshop helped me to set these precious footsteps on my path, being with my dear mother while she was approaching and contacting the big mystery. Again, in my hands I felt the rounded surface, the soft and mysterious silent, familiar boundary, with some nervous tension in it, which is simultaneously permeated by immense love.